Scar
by moeru himura
Summary: Memories are hardest to erase when one has a tangible reminder that stubbornly refuses to fade away.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own RK. All credit goes to its creator, the genius Watsuki Nobuhiro- sensei. I quoted some of Maigo-chan's translations, which I'm not claiming either.

Memories are hardest to erase when one has a tangible reminder that stubbornly refuses to fade away.

This story has followed the manga's "Tsuioku" (vols. 19-21) and not the OVA. The author also assumes that everyone has read the manga, thus, it is the reason for this fic's division.

**Scar**

**By Moeru Himura**

Akirameru. I declared in the most indifferent tone. He didn't tarry. Though he was hesitant, he lunged at me. With a few swings of my sword, he was gasping and bleeding. He was determined. He didn't want to die. In his last attempt, giving everything he had, he came at me. He fell on the ground and I felt something sting. I didn't mind it. He was still moving. The silence of the night made me hear a dying man's final whispers. His voice was trembling signifying grief and remorse. Crying or not, I didn't see. I didn't want to know either. It would only haunt me more during sleep. I plunged my sword directly at his heart as he struggled to reach a flower uttering for the last time the name of his most beloved. He wasn't able to finish it. All I heard was a nearly breathless 'To-'. I stood still for a moment, trying to contain my sanity from another horrible night. Then, I felt liquid slowly dripping on my left arm. It was heavy for simple water. I looked at it and just then I realized that he had hit me. It was amazing how determination could make a man strong despite physical weakness. I touched my cheek and traced the slightly curved wound from top to bottom with my index finger. It was shallow but I sensed, for some unknown logic, that it would change my life forever. Behind me, I heard footsteps nearing my direction. There they came, those who would clean up this mess. They started questioning me of the man's abilities. No, his skill itself was nothing. But his will to live was incredible. I replied and turned right away to the opposite road. Before leaving everything behind, that only memory and the word 'Tenchuu' could attest to its reality, in a soft voice, I wished the man, with the strongest will to live, happiness in the next life.

-o-o-o-o-o-

After Katsura-san's offer to have me join a secret meeting, which I dismissed without second thoughts, I needed to get away from anything that related to the Ishin Shishi. To be honored for killing hundreds of men was disturbingly wrong and going down in history would only double the graveness of my offense. I went to a bar and drank my sake quietly. It wasn't much help at all but it was better than nothing. On my fourth cup, my cheek wound bled again, one drop exactly falling onto the cup, swiftly blending with the alcohol as if they were the same. It turned to a very pale and morose yellow. The blood drops were now scattered on the table. I wiped the table with my hand and then placed a clean cloth on the wound for it to clot. I didn't want the proprietor to go hysterical over it. As for the sake, I drank it nevertheless. It didn't matter. It didn't bring any difference. It already tasted blood. Having real blood in it made it reasonable.

After the small commotion by the fake patriots who were harassing a beautiful lady that smelled like haku baikou, I left the bar, going back to my usual dark thoughts. While holding on to my still bleeding cheek, Iizuka-san's remark, once when he saw my gash bleed, came all of a sudden. He mentioned something about a tale of a sword wound inflicted out of malice. I found it acceptable. I would surely not take it against him for being malicious after knowing that I was to rob him of his life. And if this wound wouldn't stop its flow of blood until the day I die, then I would accept it freely.

-o-o-o-o-o-

On the night before Gion Matsuri, the beautiful lady that smelled like haku baikou, Tomoe, invited me for some good- natured sake drinking. After our unkind meeting on the night when blood rained, I was glad that she was willing to speak to someone like me. We went to the same bar where we first met. Silence filled the air as I poured sake onto her cup and she onto mine. She was about to open her mouth when she suddenly locked her stare at my hand that was about to grab a bottle. My eyes followed hers and saw those two fresh, red blobs. She cringed a little at the sight. Her brow's muscle twitched uncomfortably and there was sudden change in her aura. Was it disgust or just plain shock? I had no idea. As if she read my questioning mind, she returned to her normal composure and handed me a white cloth previously tucked beneath the sleeve of her kimono. I took it and thanked her gently. Moments passed. We got a bit relaxed with each other and started a conversation. She told me that every sword needed a sheath and offered herself to be one… for me. At that point, time seemed to have stopped and so did the bleeding.

-o-o-o-o-o-

For five months in Otsu, my life turned unexpectedly for the better. I had never known what happiness was – that was before I spent my life with Tomoe. It felt wonderful that what I was fighting for had become incredibly real before me, through her. And the scar? It didn't bother me anymore. At least not until her brother, Enishi, came to visit. His eyes just screamed hatred when they met mine. I didn't know what connection he had with my scar, but our every encounter would always cause it gnawing, irritating pain. But, again, Tomoe made it disappear. That same night, I promised to protect the happiness she once lost, and then… she smiled. All the pain disappeared.

-o-o-o-o-o-

No forest would hinder me from keeping a promise! Instinct, hearing, sight, touch – I may have lost them all but it didn't matter. The only important thing was to protect Tomoe. At last, I reached the man ready to make the final blow. I knew I had no chance. I was exhausted to my limit. Everything seemed to be falling apart and I was no exception. No. I was not giving up. I wouldn't let anyone kill me that easily. If necessary, I would bring him with me to the grave. Yes, it was decided. If I can't rely on my senses, I'll sacrifice myself and risk it all on the last blow… I'm sorry Tomoe. Live on in the new era, and be happy…. These were the only thoughts inside my head. I transferred all my power to my sword and, with closed eyes, I hit that person in front of me. Wait… kono kaori wa… Haku Bai… kou–– Tomoe! Nande… Doushite…? I did the most horrible thing! I killed her. She said it was all right, but it wasn't! How could it be all right? If someone needed to die, it should have been me, the killer. Never mind that her tanto came flying all the way to my left cheek. It should have pierced my heart instead. Never mind the physical pain it brought. It was nothing compared to the loss of a loved one. Never mind its continuous bleeding. No injury would ever bring her back. I didn't understand why she had done it. Even after reading her diary, I still didn't understand. I killed Kiyosato Akira, the man that brought her happiness, and she let me live.

-o-o-o-o-o-

I explained to Katsura-san everything that had happened. He tried to console me by telling that it was not my fault. It was fate's, and no one could have altered its decisions. But no matter what people said, I would always blame myself for her death. It would always be my fault.

I knew he felt bad to burden me with more unpleasant news but, still, he told me about Iizuka-san and Shishio. He told me how I was needed as a mobile attacker for the Ishin Shishi. Despite the adversity and grief, I would never abandon my country. Tomoe's death would be in vain if I did so. Now that I was able to experience true happiness, my will to help create an era, where people's happiness is preserved, became stronger than it ever was before. But when the new era is ushered, I'll find other ways to protect people and I'll never kill again. Never.

When Katsura-san left, for the last time, I spent my entire afternoon playing with the neighbors' children. They didn't notice my new scar. They didn't detect my sorrow. They would never know what happened to their 'Aunt Tomoe' and they would never know where I would be after our game. The sun would shine the next day and, for them, everything would be back to normal.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A soldier informed me that the Bakufu forces were retreating. So it's over… finally. I whispered. After relentless years of battles, the new era would soon be established. And then… Enishi. I saw him. He was completely changed, except for the loathing he felt for me. He looked at me in the most cruel gape and caused my cross- shaped scar to bleed. It was unusual. A scar never bleeds. That was when I realized, it's not over… it's not over yet.

**Owari**

**A/N:** Am I in desperate need of a beta or should I stop writing altogether? Let me know through your review.

I'm so happy... look at the dividers, they worked! I outwitted QuickEdit! hahaha!


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